THE FULL PETER KNIGHT FACTS LIST!!!
"Every year, on his Birthday, Peter Knight chooses one
lucky student to be embedded in the Antarctic Ice sheet for 2.6 million
years"
"Peter Knight is the real reason the glaciers are melting"
"Peter Knight didn't believe in Father Christmas. He randomly
discovered his arctic home one day while examining a glacier, and, infuriated
with being proven wrong, removed all evidence of his existence once and
for all, by eating it, including the jolly saint himself."
"Several students dissapear every year when conflict between
the fear of attending a Peter Knight lecture and the fear of the reprisal
for not attending a Peter Knight lecture become so intense, the student
dematerialises"
"Peter Kinght has the highest ammo efficiency in his hunting
club. He simply points an unloaded shotgun at the target, says the word
bang, and all life in the subject is instantly extinguished"
"Peter Knight does not sleep. He waits."
"Only one man ever owned Peter Knight and lived to tell
the tale. Only one man ever owned Peter Knight at all. Peter Knight knows
how to deal with self-ownage"
"If you can see Peter Knight, Peter Knight can see you.
If you can't see Peter Knight, you are shortly going to dematerialise for
skipping his lecture"
"Superman: The Movie was originally a documentary about
Peter Knight"
"Peter Knight drives a special car with no ignition key,
no steering wheel, no gear stick and no pedal controls. He simply gets
in, shuts the door and says 'move'"
"Peter Knight is an actual Knight. He was Knighted by
King Svensk of Norway for ridding the world of the evil 'Siinta Klaas'"
"Peter's name is P.G. Knight. The P and G actually stand
for the name of his subject of choice, "Physical Geography", with Peter
simply being his nickname. The reason for this is that he is in actuall
fact Physical Geography incarnated in a 'human' form, and a Knight to boot."
"the other 90% of your brain is the propperty of Peter
Knight"
"Owing to the fact that Peter Knight could stop climate
change at any moment, Peter Knight regularly ammuses himself by walking
around the Amazon basin pushing over trees with his bare hands before eating
them to conceal any evidence. A popular campaign group has got wind of
this and can only opperate by subsituting the phrase "Peter Knight" for
the phrase "Poverty" to avoid detection and reprisal"
"There were originally eight days in the week: Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Moses. But Peter
Knight altered the laws of physics to speed up the universe to the effect
of elliminating the need for an eigth day on Earth. If Peter Knight can't
have a day, then no-one can."
"La Paz, the capital city of Bolivia, is the highest capital
city above sea level in the world. This is so because they believe that
Peter Knight is a giant octopus."
"During a field course to Washington State, Peter Knight
instructed a group of students to watch from a safe distance while he proceeded
to climb into the crater of Mount St Helens and conduct a series of controlled
eruptions choriographed to Beehtoven's 9th. On returning to the group they
said "That was amazing but surely impossible. How did you do that?", at
which point Peter Knight summoned up a localised earthquake causing a fissure
to appear in the ground out of which a Pteradactyl emerged, circled the
group several times and swooped down and ate one of the students whole
before obediently returning to its underground lair. Do not question Peter
Knight."
"Fellow geographer Douglas Lockheart once made the mistake
of trying to confuse Peter Knight with complex post-modern theory. In response,
Peter Knight liquidised himself before masquerading as a cup of coffee
and, upon consumption by Douglas Lockheart, spent several days wreaking
havock amongst his internal organs as punishment."
"The game of golf was originally played in dense woodlands
and was called Dealing With Squirrels The Peter Knight Way."
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